I’m so confused with my life but I’m okay with it? I’m so lost in my mind that reality does not exist. Yes I feel the wind and hear the thunderstorms but I’m dreaming with my eyes open. I’m not awake; this can not be life. Nightmares exist whether your eyes are open or shut; so why fight to keep them open? I have experienced enough to be content, so what am I fighting for? Battling my brain everyday is exhausting. Hardly sleeping, forgetting to eat; I’m aloof. What do I do with my time? Why am I typing this? Typing this won’t change a thing.. it’s almost six in the morning and I’m just sitting here.. typing.. not really sure what the hell I’m writing.
Every time I awake from a slumber I’m disappointed. Is that depression? I’m not happy with anything but that does not bother me? I can grasp everything in my life except my mind. Does that even make sense?
I’m fucking going crazy. Seriously. And the only person who can help me is myself.. but these bridges around town are perfect for testing gravity.
I wonder if anyone reads these posts. Probably sitting and reading it like; this bitch is crazy! Whatever. Hopefully no one reads this.. I usually write in my journal/diary but I did not feel like writing. It’s now after six in the morning and my head hurts. I have been sitting in this same spot for hours just imagining my life if my brain was healthy. My eyes hurt. I can feel my body needing to cry but it does not happen.. my eyes won’t even water. All this shit is insane.
…but I do smile sometimes.